I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
