why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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