i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
