She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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