I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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