Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Someone shattered a urinal.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
