Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
