first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
