i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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