My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
