There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
