It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
