So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
