Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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