I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
