these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
