He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
