Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
