I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
