so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize