I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
