I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
