whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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