Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
