One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
