i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
