You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
