saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
