i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
