so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
