i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
