put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
