they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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