Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
