Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Randomize
