either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
