I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
