We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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