whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
