MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
