just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
