I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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