Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
