Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
