what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
