gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
