just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
