I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I want a musical about memes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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