It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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