ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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