my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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