You're my little dorito
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
