dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
