Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
