I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
