At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
